Happy birthday Dood.

I've been depressed since last night. Ugh. I made a mistake and I'm not sure if I can take it back. So here's the story. It was the birthday of Cito yesterday. I though about how I'm going to greet him. In the end, I settled with ignoring him the whole day and when 11pm strikes, I'll call him and greet him. That way, my greeting is considered special because I'm the last to greet him. This stupid plan backfired because on the way out of the campus, I walked by the old canteen, Cito was passing by and he went near me. He asked me, "DI MO BA AKO BABATIIN?" I panicked. I didn't know if I should still continue my plan or I should just greet him now. I ended up doing a stupid deed. I looked the other way and whispered, "mamaya na lang." I meant to say that I'll greet him later once I call. I didn't know what his reaction was because I fled. Jemil, Kat and Edz told me that he looked disappointed. Did he? Was he disappointed with what I did? I was really bothered so I texted him, "Uy, tatawag ako meang gabi. Medyo late na nga lang. Wag kang matutulog a?" He didn't reply but I was still hoping that I'll be able to speak with him and tell him that I'm sorry for embarassing him. 11 pm came and I registered for Unlicall Night. When it confirmed, I battled with myself first before calling him. My heart was pounding like it was fighting its way out of my body. But, he didn't answer his phone. I didn't know if he's still awake but it seems like God doesn't want us to talk to each other. Maybe it's in His will. I tried calling him again and again and again and again. Gaah, you get the fcuking picture. He didn't answer. He didn't bother speaking with me. I texted him a pretty long text message. I typed everything I wanted to say to him. I even put an ILY in the end. I waited for his reply ---- all night. You read it right. I waited for it until dawn hit. Still no answer. I called Jemil to ease the pain and to stop my tears from falling because I promised myself that I wouldn't cry because of him anymore. But once Jemil hung up, tears started falling from my eyes. I lost hope and I regretted what I did.  I closed my eyes, disappointed with myself. To my surprise, our maid knocked on my door telling me that it was time to wake up. Dang it, I wasn't able to sleep. My eyes were puffy and I wasn't in the mood to do anything. I waited for him to assure me that he wasn't mad and that it was okay. Still-- the long-awaited message did not come. He did text me a little later but to my disappointment, it was only a group message. Okay, so maybe he was mad at me. I tried to smile all day, trying to hide the pain I was feeling. I didn't want to look like I was in pain because of a petty reason in front of my friends. Most especially Edz.. her problem is waaay more serious than mine is. I haven't found the guts to talk to him personally and ask him if he's mad at me. I did ask him through text but I doubt he'll answer. Anyway, after that incident, I kept asking my guy friends if they'd be mad at me if I didn't greet them. All of them answered, "Hindi. Magagalit lang ako kung may gusto rin ako sayo." O H S H I T. When they said that, a part of me wished that he really is mad at me which proves that he doesn't treat me only as a friend. Hm. I think I better stop blabbering here. Nothing's gonna happen if I still do. 


Here's a little birthday message for him. If he reads this, then maybe he'll forgive me. 

Happy Happy Happy Birthday dood. 

You damn as hell know that you're special to me. 

I'll never forget a special day like this in your life. 

Thank you fo everything. 

Thank you for cheering me up with a simple smile.

Thank you for making my life meaningful. 

Sorry if ever I hurt you in the past. 

Sorry for embarassing you. 

I love you dood. Always have. Always will. 

<33 Reena

So let's continue with my daily rant. THIS WEEK IS HELL. Dang it. It's like the teachers enjoy torturing us. Gaaa. We have a lot of papers, assignments, defense on the research work and a whole lot more. 

Any, I need to ask my mom for permission on the 24th. I need to do something that day. 

LALALALOVE, Reena. :)