Paranoia

It's been a while. I can't say I miss blogging because I've found a different way to pour my heart out. For the past few months, I've been trying to keep a journal. However, I couldn't do it. Just like I am with this blog, I can't constantly update it because honestly, I suck at words. When I have a lot to think of, I grab my bike and pedal away from all of it. I guess I prefer running away from it all. You see, when I'm riding my bike, I stop thinking. It's like I'm in a different world where all I have to think about is keeping the bike moving. Unfortunately, once I stop, the problems invade my mind like they were just waiting for my feet to stop pedaling. When I stop, I am brought back to the world I tried very hard to run away from. Usually, I can handle it on my own. Sometimes, I need a little talk with my girls, with my bestfriend, and with other people who give good advice,  then I'm good to go. Problem Solved. End of discussion. However, there are problems that I can't even tell my friends, or my family. I don't feel like opening up because it's my problem. They shouldn't be concerned with it anymore. Should they?

So here I am, finding some guidance on the internet. I know no one reads my blog, but at least I can feel like somehow, I've released this negative vibe that's been eating me up.

A week. A week from now I'm going to go to the doctor for another check-up. I know I shouldn't be scared , but I can't help it. What if the doctor tells me exactly what I've been dreaming of? How would I react? How would my mom react? Imagine, an 18-year old girl with that sickness? Wow, how pitiful. I'm scared because every day, I feel it getting bigger. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but this paranoia is eating me up, making me dread the day when I go to that doctor's office.

Yes, this time it's a real problem. It's not some stupid high school infatuation that obviously filled this blog. It's not some simple story abut what happened during the past few months. It's just my fear. My fear of being sick. My fear of dying. My fear of this.

In a week's time, you'll hear from me. I just hope you're all praying for good news.

Weekend of thoughts

Hello again my precious blog! ♥ I'm sorry, again, for not posting anything for the past few weeks. I've been too preoccupied with other stuff, hence, making me forget to write what I feel. Honestly, I don't know what to say 'cause my life is as boring as hell. No lovelife, no problems, no everything. HAHAHA. I'm on the brink of telling my friends, Awayin niyo naman ako. Ang boring ng buhay ko. But of course, I won't do that. :))

Anyway, I'm in Baguio this weekend. My last out-of-town trip before my classes start. Boo La Salle for starting school early. :))) I'm actually glad that my parents decided to treat us here because I needed to get away from Laguna and feel the coldness. :))

Soooo, as usual, I don't have anything to say. So, I'm just going to post a picture! :D Tata! :D

Months of Silence

Sorry for the months of silence. I just couldn't find the time to write about anything. Mostly because, I don't have anything to write about. So, to be able to update this blog of mine of the past events, I'll write down everything that's important. Let's start from the most recent.. 

Here are my 3rd term grades. I originally had a problem with my CBESTA1 grade 'cause I needed a 2.5, but I only got a 2.0. I appealed to my professor. At fist, he didn't approve, but I saw that the score in my first quiz was wrongly recorded. I pointed out that mistake and I got the grade I wanted. Sooo, I just need o get a 2.5 on both my COMALGE and BUSCALC subjects, then I'm good to go for shifting to BSA! Yes, I still want to shift. I'm not giving up 'cause it's my lifelong dream. (Okaaay, that was an exaggeration. I only wanted it since I was in 3rd year high school.) Anyway, I still pray every night, hoping that my prayers will make my dream come true. 

That covers April. Moving on to March, there's only one important event on that month. March 4, 2011. I know it's my mom's birthday, but what I'm about to relate is not about her. I saw him that night. I wasn't expecting it 'cause I only invited Mark and Carla. He was finally there in front of me and it hurt like hell. I pretended that I didn't care about him (I'm good in that field.) I acted like the freaking martyr again. I even told Carla and him to kiss, just for fun. I kept hugging Mark, whispering that I couldn't take it anymore. At the end of the night, I hugged him, hoping that this will be the last time that I'll ever face him. He texted me that night, saying that he was sorry about the kiss between him and my bestfriend during their previous inuman session. I told him that the kiss hurt me, but I wasn't willing to be mad at my bestfriend because of a boy. He said sorry again and I forgave him. I told him that I wanted us to be friends again. I actually hoped that we could be close like before. However, he didn't show that he wanted to be friends with me again. I actually got jealous by the way Carla and him talks/hangs out. It was painful so I decided that I want nothing to do with him. No stories from Carla, no text messages, no everything. I just wanted to move one. As of now, I'm only 20% complete in this horrendous process. I loved him for more than 4 years, it's not easy to lose something like that. 

So, I think that's it. I instantly became depressed. Luuuuul. 

Till next time. :) 

ONE GOOD REASON

I am sorry for not blogging. I have been so caught up with my academics that I couldn't find the time to type in this empty, white space you call a blog. Haha. (Yeah, it's corny. Haha) My 3rd term's amazing. I got a lot of breaks and I spend it with Club Princess. Me and my girls have become closer and I can see them being my friends throughout my college life.

My life's an open book to everyone right now because I'm really not that secretive anymore. That's why I barely blog about my life because it's boring as hell. I don't have time to look for love or even have a relationship under these conditions. For the time being, I'm focused on my studies and getting into the BSA program. My only desire for this year is to make it as a student majoring in Accountancy. All I want for this year is to make my wish come true. Of course, I believe that wishes don't come true unless you do something to make it become real.

Although, I have two mind boggling problems. Three nights ago, I was looking at C's facebook profile. It was an action I regretted because when I looked at his photos, I felt something deep inside me that I only felt when I was still in love with him. Up to now, I'm still torturing myself for not getting over him after all that he's done. I keep telling myself, Enough. He's hurt you to much. But it doesn't happen. All I get are these tears running down my face, reminding me of my never-ending stupidity. I mean, it has been years since first fell for him, but the memory of him is still alive. He isn't even being a friend to me right now but he's still residing in this dying heart of mine. I guess I'm torn between missing the friendship, or missing(or searching) for his love that I know never existed. Okay, I'm being melodramatic but I guess I just want to get this over with. If there was only a machine that deletes a person's memory of a specific person, I'll definitely use it ----- just to take me away from this misery.

I'm too tired to tell you of my other problem. So, I'll cut the story short. Is it true that when a friend of yours has a relationship, he sometimes forgets that he has a friend? Well that's happening to me now.  I guess it's just weird that I don't personally know Mark's girl. I don't even know what she's like, that's why I'm feeling like this. I just miss talking to my two bestfriends so much.

Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health. Yes, I am sticking to my belief that cigarettes ruin a person's life. I won't interfere with my friends' decision about this because I have the feeling that the cigarettes is more important than listening to me. Yeah, I'm hurt. Both of my bestfriends smoke in front of me, and I let them because I want them to realize, on their own, that I don't like it and that I get hurt deep inside, knowing that they think it's okay with me. I hate this feeling. I don't want to have a grudge against my bestfriends, but I can't help it. I was torn when they smoked in front of my house, on my f-ing birthday and they didn't even notice. They are my friends but cut me some slack, I just don't want to see my friends throwing their life away. And if you disagree with my stand, tell me ONE GOOD REASON on why cigarettes are good for you. Remember, ONE GOOD REASON. A reason that I cannot contradict.

Guess that's all. I'm swamped because I spent the day with Carla Mae. Good night guys. I hope you find peace in your sleeeep! >:D<

A Story Meant for the Garbage Can :P Leave comments!

Prologue

San Fernando, Pampanga was experiencing a strong storm that evening. The authority advised the people to stay in their homes and be ready for anything that might happen. Apparently, this news did not reach the group of young people headed to San Fernando City for a weekend getaway. 

“Hun, are you sure about this? The rain’s getting worse.” Silver, a beautiful brunette, addressed her boyfriend, Lanz. They were leading the convoy of 3 cars. She was getting worried on the current weather and in the fact that they were driving with haste along the San Fernando bridge.

“B, we’ve already come this far. And I think the resort’s not far away.” Lanz reassured her 2-year long girlfriend. Silver still had this feeling that everything was not okay and their safety was at a risky place, but she decided to believe her boyfriend, since he was the one who knew this place thoroughly.

“Okay, just slow down. It’s dangerous to drive fast in this weather.”, she advised, but Lanz seemed like he hadn’t heard her at all. He remained driving in a 120 km/hr range.

Unfortunately for them, a truck carrying heavy equipment lost control of his brakes. It was coming right at them and as a human instinct, Lanz tried to avoid the truck ----- leading to the direct impact of the truck to the passenger side of the SUV.

Blood was shed and the car was seriously damaged. Silver, age 18, was barely breathing and her boyfriend was passed out. This tragic accident led to the numerous screams of the people in that convoy. Numbers were dialed and people were trying so hard to keep both of their friends alive. Later on, ambulance sirens were heard and those people were still hoping that maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

That happened in exactly 9:20 in the evening of May 14, 2010.

New York City was as vibrant as ever. It was a sunny day, a perfect day for a car race. The stadium was filled with a lot of people and sometimes, you could only see them as ants, waiting for their food. Within this crowd was a black-haired, mysterious 20-year old guy, who was very much involved in the race, which was greatly disapproved by his 1-month long girlfriend.

“Ivan, you have got to stop this nonsense. This is dangerous.”, his girlfriend, Callie pleaded. Ivan was the type of guy who was adventurous. He loved extreme sports, dangerous getaways --- you get the point. It was too bad that his girlfriend didn’t appreciate any of this.

“Cal, chill aryt? This is simple car racing. What could possibly go wrong?” He flashed his famous smile and Callie was in a haze again. It was hard not to be dazzled by this awesome piece of work.

“Okay. But be careful okay?” They kissed and Ivan was off to go. He put on his helmet and rode the vehicle that his best friend has made for him.

A gun was fired and all that was heard was the sound of screeching, accelerating tires.

Ivan was having the time of his life. He grinned as he passed by numerous cars, sensing his near victory. He pressed on the gas some more and he felt the car speed up. He really liked this because it was as if his life was fast forwarding to the future. He was forgetting every single detail of his horrible past and the actions he has done to get what he wanted and what he has right now.

Because of this split-second trip-down-memory-lane distraction, he wasn’t able to turn in the right time. He felt the car slide across the race track and hit the concrete pavement. People were screaming and the car was on fire. Medics neared him and tried very hard to remove his body from the burning car.

Before Ivan passed out completely, the last thing he saw was 9:20am, May 14, 2010.

Two accidents that happened in different continents, on the same time and on the same date. Who would’ve known that two souls will meet without the help of physical touch? Who would’ve known that it is possible to meet your true love in the most inconvenient way possible?

Well, you have got to love destiny.

It can bite you in the time you least expect it.

Two separate accidents brought two people together and made them fall in love. What a miracle love is! Proving that even in your dreams, you can get your happily ever after.

Merry Christmas! :)

Merry Christmas hunnies! <3 I hope you spent the day with your family, friends, and of course, Jesus. :) We must not forget that this day is celebrated because of the birth of Jesus. One of the things that I learned in the nine morning masses I attended, is that Christmas is so commercialized. It's all about noche buena, giving and receiving of gifts, etc. We forget that we should spend the day honoring the coming of our savior, Jesus Christ. For example, only a few went to mass today. It's a fact because our chapel isn't even full and I'm assuming that a lot of you, readers, have not attended mass yet. Am I right? BIG MISTAKE. December 25 is a holiday of obligation, meaning that you should attend mass!


Anyway, I should stop with the religious paragraph. Haha. I enjoyed my Christmas day with the del Rosario Family. We attended mass, ate a lot, gave gifts and laughed along with the craziness of the family raffle. :) I got a lot of gifts because of the fact that I have 7 uncles and aunts. Hihi. :">


My birthday's on Monday and I'm kinda hurt because my 2 bestfriends aren't coming and my only guy bestfriend is going to be late. Good to know they value my birth day. :| I know I'm being bitchy about this but I was looking forward to spend my birthday with them.


I should probably stop typing because I got nothing to say. Merry Christmas again! :)

2nd term grades = EXTREME HAPPINESS

My Christmas is going to be a good one, most especially because of my grades this 2nd term! :) Look at it and tell me a single reason why I shouldn't be happy. :)) (Oh yeaaah, BUSORGA. :| ) Anyway, I got in the first honors dean's list, thus, making me enroll in advance next online enrollment! I love you God! I owe this all to you. 

Oh yeah, I recently completed the nine morning masses. :) Soooo happy. :D Any, I'm not in the mood to blog, soooo.. I'll just type the story I'm writing. Love you! 

Gimme horror!

Why hello again my website of useless rants. I've seriously missed you coz' I haven't been myself in the past few days. I visited Candy Mag yesterday, and I admit it, I missed hanging out in there. That was where I met my Bee, Bru and all the other girls that I now call friends. Although, it was depressing to see that my stories rotted in there. No one seemed to care anymore coz' I kept breaking promises on the updates. I now promised myself to finish everything before posting so as to avoid future disappointments. As we speak, I'm brainstorming ideas for a new story that I'm writing. However, this story is different. It is in the third-person point of view, and it is like a book when you read it. No more color-coded conversations and different points of view. I wanted to try something new and this is what I want. 

Moving on, I should be studying for my accounting midterms today but laziness got the better of me. I will fight this off later on. :)) I still desire to be a BSA major someday. :D And yeah, I wanted you to know that I will get my Dean's Lister certificate tomorrow at the Vice Dean's office! I shall cherish this because this might not happen again. :))) JK. 

K SHIT. I don't know what else to say. My life is as boring as it is. I don't have a guy to love, no friends to be mad at and definitely no family problems. Sometimes I wish that a problem may come so my life will be less boring. :| :| :| 

Before I forget, I suggest that you refrain from watching White House! It was a complete eyesore. O.o 

I gotta stop typing now. Waiting for the download of Shutter so I can watch a horror movie worth watching! 

Love you guys! :) 

30 things you MUST know about me. :)

READ THIS! <3

• 1.     I’m messy. If you could see my room, it always seems like a storm hit and messed it up. Nope, that’s not the case --- I did that mess all by myself.
• 2.     I studied in the US of A when I was in Kindergarten. White stockings and an awesome dress to school rocks! >:D<
• 3.     I used to think I was a good singer. I actually attended Center for Pop Music classes. Unfortunately, reality hit me and I finally realized that I made my listener’s ears bleed.
• 4.     I had my first crush in Kindergarten and I still remember his name and his face. Kevin Carrerra. :”>
• 5.     When I got back from the US of A, I didn’t know how to speak Filipino. I learned to speak the language again when I became a grade school student.
• 6.     I can’t count how many planes I’ve ridden.
• 7.     I am in love with horror movies but I easily get scared. I’m the type of girl who likes to close her eyes when she knows there is something scary that is about to happen, but opens it in the exact time the scary thing reveals itself. 
• 8.     I only have one crush at a time. And when I say I have a crush on you, that’ll last til’ you lose your face or you do something that will turn me off.
• 9.     I hate smokers but I have loved one and my bestfriend smokes. So this is kind of ironic.
• 10.  I won the title of 1^st runner up, Ms. Woodhills when I was in grade 4. I paraded around my subdivision, waving like a professional beauty queen. I swore that I will never do that again. It was totally embarrassing.
• 11.  I lived in Davao City for almost 3 years. I studied in Ateneo De Davao and it was awesome.
• 12.  Despite my long residency in Mindanao, I never learned the Visayan language.
• 13.  I’m afraid of the dark. I don’t sleep without a night light on. In the past, I couldn’t even sleep alone in my room. But when my sister moved to Katipunan, I was forced to deal with the fact that I was to sleep alone in that room. (with all the lights on)
• 14.  I was a “batang-kalye” when I was a child. I would play patintero, moro-moro, Chinese garter, and the like, in bare foot. I didn’t like wearing slippers, but when I acquired a worm in my stomach, I started to wear my slippers more often.
• 15.  I never imagined I would study in De La Salle University. I always believed that I would pass the UPCAT. But my intelligence failed me. :|
• 16.  I’m a nerd, but I’m so lazy when it comes to studying subjects I’m not interested in.
• 17.  I had a dream wherein I was placed in a coffin because I died (DUH), and I was watching my loved ones react to my death. (WEIRD KO)
• 18.  I used to finish my assignment quickly so I can watch Scooby Doo. (I was easily manipulated when it comes to Scooby Doo. :D)
• 19.  I cut class when I was in Grade 3. It was for a stupid reason, actually. I thought it was already lunch time, when in reality, it was only recess. When I finally realized I was wrong, classes had already started. I didn’t want my teacher to scold me so I roamed around the school, avoiding the guards. >:)
• 20.  I’m a PSYSC kid, and always will be. <3
• 21.  I’m the type of person who sacrifices for friends and exchanges her happiness for another person’s happiness.
• 22.  I believe in Hoes Over Bros. Friends before those useless boys. >:)
• 23.  I have never gone to the cemetery on the exact day of All Souls Day (Undas). There are a lot of people and I can’t handle that.
• 24.  I used to think a ghost lies down an empty space in a bed, so I always scatter my pillows so all the empty spaces will be covered. Scratch the I USED part. I still believe in this! Swear! :))
• 25.  I like to go biking, but some people won’t allow me to ride my bike because of safety reasons. :|
• 26.  I like to write stories but it bugs me when people read it. It makes me awkward because I know my writing is not that good.
• 27.  I like to watch teleseryes. I currently watch Survivor, Grazilda, Ilumina and Beauty Queen. In the past, I was very much addicted to Encantadia. :) <3
• 28.  I get easily irritated, I just don’t show it.
• 29.  When I have PMS, you’d wish you weren’t my friend. HAHA. MEAN. :)) >:)
• 30.  I was very bored so I did this, and because I love Bee. :)

Infatuation

I am the worst blogger known to man. I have been re-opening this site for the past few days and I still can't type anything. It's like I lost my ability to write about anything since ----- never mind. And the only reason I'm typing in this blank textbox is because I'm waiting for Episode 6 of The Vampire Diaries to load. This is the lowest of the low. :| If you could only see me right at this very moment, you can say that I look crazy. I'm looking around my vacant living room to think about what to tell you and nothing comes to my head. I've been thinking about things to write in this useless blog all week, and yet I still have not come up with one.This is so irritating. 


Oh, a random thought entered my mind. Why don't I tell you how stupid I've been when I was in high school? Okay, it's not in the context of academics, ayt? It's in the fact that I let myself love two guys that did nothing but use me for their own good. Okay, I know that's exaggerating, but as I think about it now, one word comes to my mind --- INFATUATION. 


Yea, one guy gained a three-year infatuation but the other one lasted for only about 8 months. I mean, why would I love them? I couldn't even think of reasons on why they sliced deep into my heart. :| 


So there were times when I thought I loved them. Lemme' give you a list. 


Boy 1 
> He managed to make me cry by the church and risk letting my 2 bestfriends and a classmate see. 
> He made me act like there was nothing wrong in front of him, when deep inside I was crying. I did it only because I didn't want him to think that I got hurt. 
> I hate smokers but when I learned that he was smoking, I let it pass. WTF?! 
> I only got jealous twice -- with different girls. His bestfriend and his current girlfriend. :| 
> I used to text him ILY when I get drunk. Stupid right?
> I have this feeling in my stomach whenever he's close. It's like I have a radar in my body. :|
> I used to wait for his text every millisecond of the second.
> I used to blog about him a lot ---- okay, until now. 
> Even though I hid him from my news feed, I tend to look at his profile everytime I go online. :| 
> I try and try and try and try to forget about him but I haven't succeeded in that. :| 


Boy 2
> He makes me cheer up with a simple HI. :) 
> When I see his name on my cellphone, I tend to jump and squeal in delight.
> He made me cry on this year's JS Prom. :> Don't ask why. 
> He always makes me feel so special. 
> I get jealous on all the girls that he is with. WEIRD. 
> Right now, we're texting each other. 


OKAYYY. As you can all see, Boy 1's side is mostly composed of all the pain that he inflicted upon me. HAHA. Don't blame him, I made this happen. Ako lang naman tong tanga na pinipilit ang hindi naman mangyayari. Yea, I blame myself for this. If  had been brave enough before, I could have been saved from the heartache. Boy 2, on the other hand, is full of happiness. And this only proved to me that I was only infatuated with Boy 2. Looak at all those sentences. Those are all what you feel when your crush texts you, right? This sucks bigtime. 


Any, I've been blabbering for that past few minutes. I think I should get back to the thing I was watching so I can sleep early! We're going to the province tomorrow! :> 


Happy birthday Patricia Domenique Briones Gumban! :> :> 


With Love, 

October Madness

Guess I haven't dropped by here in over a month now. I was busy with school and the like. Err, scratch that. I wasn't really busy, I just didn't have anything to write. My life's been boring ever since I became a college student. Yes, I've drank alcohol, cut class, and walked from Padre Faura to Vito Cruz. It's fun, but everyone knows I'm the type of girl who is too much of a good girl than  bad girl. Everything bad I did didn't amuse me. It's like I lost my fun bone in my body. Everything's screwed up coz' I don't know how to have some serious fun. Sometimes I wish I was in highschool again. The time when I didn't care if my grades were down or if having fun meant breaking the rules. I was careless back then and right now, I got a lot of questions in my head. "Will doing this mean that I won't be able to enter the BSA program?", "Will this affect my studies?" I know I sound like such a nerd but ughhhh, I feel like that right now. :|

SH1T. I NEED TO GET A LIFE.

So, It's October and I got a lot of people to greet. My brother, Anton, coz' he's celebrating his 8th birthday, Pat and Chat, my college friends, for their 17th and 16th birthday, respectively. :) And yeah, his birthday's also coming up and I'm still thinking if I should greet him or not. Haha. Sometimes, I wished my birthday was on this month so my birthday and Christmas gift wouldn't be the same. Hahaha. I sound so selfish. :)) 

My parents are here, so I gotta go. Cyber huuuug! :"> >:D< ♥

I died.

I died and he didn't care. It was my usual dream. This wasn't the first time that I saw myself lie in a coffin and watch people cry over my body. I know you may think I'm weird but the reason why I dream about this is because I think about it before I sleep. What if I die, will he cry? That was my usual question. And everytime I dreamt about that before, he didn't care. He would go to my wake but he would just smirk. Not once have I felt that he valued my life. This time, the dream was different. He came to my wake with his girlfriend in tow. Surprisingly, there were tears in his eyes. Tears that weren't just for a show. He neared my coffin and whispered, Akala ko ba di mo ko iiwanan? Sino na ang magmamahal sa akin ng walang hangganan? I love you, Reena. And I regret not telling you in person. Once he said that he let go of his girlfriend's hand and straightened up. Once he turned his back at the coffin, for a second, I thought he looked straight at my ghost. He winked and smiled. 


HAHAHAHAHAHA. CRAZY DREAM NO? :)) This all came right after I visited UST last Friday. I saw Cito, Reymarc, Rochelle, and Tari. :)) Cito looked like a stoner(JK), Rochelle became more beautiful, Tari grew taller and Reymarc, well his hair grew longer. I missed them and apparently, a single Friday isn't enough. I shall visit them again! :) 


Sh1t. I have loads to tell you but I need to sleep. :| I'm very sleepy naaa! :D 
Enjoy this post. I shall post a long one on Wednesday for I will study for Accounting and College Algebra tomorrow. 

To Rant or Not To Rant?

This is me, thinking of nothing to blog about. I mean, I've been like this for the past few months. Ganito pala nagagawa sayo ng walang lovelife no, wala kang malagay sa blog. Believe it or not, my life is generally peaceful. My friends, my family, my lovelife is stable. Though there are a few problems, it's not that big to rant about. But since I have nothing else to say, and for the sake of humoring you with my small scale problems, I'll type em' here. 


I don't know what to say to my bestfriend to cheer him up, or even just make him feel that this is not his karma. I feel like I'm a useless friend for letting him feel like crap about himself. We recently reconciled for our first major fight, but it seems like I've lost the ability to make him feel better. I always make him feel better. Even if it's his fault, I make him feel self-righteous, but right now, NOTHING. I have nothing to say to tell him that he doesn't deserve this and that he shouldn't torture himself over this. I know he keeps trying to keep a straight face and tell everyone that he's okay but I know deep inside that everything's screwed up. The girl says that they just need space and personally, I think she's right. But that doesn't mean that they shouldn't remain as friends. Mark loves her. I haven't seen him like this for a very long time and even though they aren't a couple right now, I believe that eventually, they will be. She's the only girl that I'm in favor for and I'm wishing---hoping that this would be fixed. That way, Mark will be happy again. And I can feel that I've helped in some way. 'Coz right now, I feel like a very crappy, useless bestfriend. 


Kat has dengue. I'm worried about her. She's got a load of problems on her head right now and with this comes her unexpected sickness. She's confined in a hospital and I'm problematic about when to visit because I can't find the time. I must find a way to visit her. At least if I see her, my worry would subside because I'll know that she's okay. :| Wow, I noticed, I'm very clingy with my friends. 


It's gone. My love for him is gone, and I'm not used to it. My whole high school life I believed that he was the one, that I cannot find anyone else. But here I am, wondering why I feel so empty. Once that feeling went away, I feel like there's something missing inside of me. Of course, not all the love is gone. There's some left, the amount of friendship. The love that is left is for the friendship and for the fact that I did love him, and we did have memories. Those memories will be locked up in my heart forever. 


I had the most BV day today. We just came from Subic and I slept around 11-ish? Well sadly, I woke up at 6am because no one was able to wake me up. (FYI, alarms don't work with me) I was able to leave the house around 6:15 and huraaah!, traffic started from Susana Heights. (BTW, I rode the Cher transport for the very first time) Anyway, I closed my eyes and just let the music from my phone fill my head. When we passed by the sucat area, we started smelling a foul smell, like a smoke coming from a unmaintained jeep. Once we step foot in Skyway, the bus overheated, thus stranding us in the middle of the sun's heat. We waited for a bus but every one of them was full, so we rode the bus-in-tow to Magallanes and waited for a bus there. Luckily, one came. (Another Cher Transport) Anyway, I was able to reach school around 10am. HAHA. I missed my Accounting class. THIS IS A FAILURE FOR ME. They discussed something and I wasn't there. Damn it, this is all my fault ---- and MMDA I might add. They're the people who declared this day a NO CODING day. Where they are under a stupid administration---peace out Homer Simpson supporters. Never liked him. 


Anyway, I must continue this tomorrow? I gotta go check on my brother if he's sleeping. :| TTFN. 


With much love, 

SABAAAW

Damn it. I haven't blogged about a lot of things. HAHAHA. This is the effect of being a college student. You've got loads of time, but you're sooooo TAMAD to type. HAHAHA. K, I'm so crazy. 


Anyway, I'm having loads of fun at school. I pass my exams, which is good because I want to shift to BS Accountancy! HAHA. I bond with my blockmates so I can have an equal amount of social life with my academics. LOL. Sh1t, sorry for the uselessness of this blog post. I'm so sabaw kasi e. HAHA. 


A girl randomly said thank you to me, which is weird. Haha. Maybe she's retarded or something. K, I'm so mean. >:) This is what she gets for not thinking for herself. And to think I called her once my friend. 


Sometimes I wonder if our friendship (Mark's and I) went back to normal. Hm, guess not. Nagbago na siya e. He's not the same Mark that I knew. Bahala na. At least we've patched things up. There just comes a time when everything falls apart and I have to deal with that. It's kind of easy naman e. 


K, random, I'M SO KILIG SA ENDLESS LOVE. HAHAHAHA. I'm so sabaw today so forgive me. LOL. 


I'll end your misery. I'll stop typing, promise. TTFN.

Pilyang Kerubin

Finally, after 13 days, we patched things up. He just needed a reason to open a conversation with me. This may sound negative but I gave up 3 friends but I gained our friendship again (Mark's and mine). I fought with 3 of my CLOSEST friends because of a dare. I knew I might hurt them with what I said, that's why I said sorry, but they didn't acknowledge it. Some say that they valued their image to others rather than our friendship. Well I just hope we can patch things up coz' I hate fighting with people. I'm still happy that that happened coz' without that fight, Mark and I won't be able to reconcile. :) Cool. 


I was so happy yesterday coz' I aced the graded recitation in FILKOMU. I studied really hard in that subject including COMP1BU for the long quiz. I was able to answer most of the questions. Hope I have a good grade. 


My classes don't start til' 2:40pm so I'll do my accounting homework tomorrow, once I buy worksheets.I'm dedicated to shifting to Bachelor of Science in Accountancy. Oha, complete~ :)) 


K, I don't know what else to say. :) Goodbye. 

The A-Team

You all must watch The A-Team! :D Personally, I can say I liked it a lot. :D Not only is Bradley Cooper shirtless all the time, but he's good in playing his character. :) It was full of suspense and action. Though I'm not all for that kind of movie, I still liked it. You will be amazed on how creative they plan out an ambush. :D 


I guess that's all I wanted to say. I want to watch Ninja Assassin on the comforts of my own home. :D I bought a DVD! :D HAHAHAHA. Pirated of course. :) Hoho. 


Brb. It's playing already! :) 

Friendship OVER.

Sorry for being sooo inactive these past few days. I've been busy with my college life. :)) So here, I'm present and will tell you everything that has happened! :) 


College life is surprisingly fun. Though the work load in school increased by a dozen times, I'm still enjoying it. I love my blockmates. I already consider them as my close friends. :) Masaya sila kasama e! :D Anyway, I won't elaborate on that fact since I'll only bore you. Lezz just say, I came home from Taft with alcohol in my system nung June 16. :) SHHHH lang. :D :)) But it was awesome! And it's a one time thing so don't expect me to drink all the time. :)) 


And yeah, FO na kami ni bestfriend. I got mad at him for smoking, he got mad at me for caring and tada! FO. :)) I said sorry but he didn't care at all. Bahala na siya, it's his choice. :)) Male ego is my enemy here, not him. He even told my friends, 'Di muna ako makikipagayos, nageenjoy pa ko e.' BITCH MUCH? I was torturing myself over the fact that we were fighting and he's enjoying it? WELL FU. :| 


Worst bus ride a while ago. I was seated between 5 guys. (Yung upuan sa back.) They kept asking me questions from 'Ano number mo?' to 'Miss, anong sexual position gusto mo?' SHIT DIBA? I will never ride BBL again. :| 


Anyway, I gotta watch langit sa piling mo! Byeeee! :) 

I'm a driver! :D

I am literally freaking out. Hahaha. Had my 2nd day of driving lessons today and I can say that I was quite progressive. My only problem is that I get nervous. Once I get inside that car, my heart starts beating fast. Haha. The instructor's laughing at me coz' my whole body would freeze while he's giving instructions on how to turn properly. EPIC. :D Wish me luck. Hoho. Plends, ako na ang desidnated driver, kung may kotse! :)) 


Aryt, mixed emotions these past few days. 5 days from now and I'll be going to school! I'm excited and nervous at the same time. Excited coz' I'll be able to see my blockmates again coz' they are awesooooome. Nervous coz' well~ of the professors. Hahaha. I'll tell you all about it right after my first day. :) 


I'm worried about my bestfriend. He's got a lot on his mind and I'm not there for him. Hm, the least I can do is use my sun sim and call to reassure him. :) Sana maayos na problema niya. :) 


Okay, I don't have anything else to say. I don't have a major problem and I'm happy about that! :D 


Goodbyeeee. :) 

HATE

I hate what I'm feeling right now. Seriously. 

I can't quite explain it coz' I don't want to admit it. No. I don't want to tell myself that I fought for nothing, that I moved on for nothing. It hurts to know that I'm still affected. I guess I deserve a big 'I told you so' from my friends. C'mon guys, lay it on me. Maybe it's just because I lost our friendship. I miss him, bigtime, but what can I do? He's smiling in the arms of another. 

Uhh. I really hate myself right now. Don't make me feel worse okay? I'm torturing myself over this and I hope no one teases me or anything. Arayt? I'm punishing myself already, that's enough. 

I hope I can forget you. Pleaaase. 

Stupid thoughts in my head

I don't know how or why but I ended up typing in my stupid blog. Err, I guess I have a lot on my mind but I'm not sure I should tell you all of it. I can't even tell my friends what's going on. I don't even know what's going on so why should I tell them, ayt? 

It's just that something's happening. It's the unthinkable, really. I don't know if it's real or I just want someone to replace---- err. Never mind. I guess this is nothing. I shouldn't make it a big deal. I'll just receive a big, 'i told you so' from my friends. Ha-ha. 

I'm actually stuck at my room with speakers programmed to the highest level of volume. I just want silence. I mean I want the music to block whatever I'm thinking right now. It's working coz' all I do is sing along with the music. You can also see my loss of focus with my blog right here. It doesn't make any sense, right? 

STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. 

Uhh ~ 

I'll stop. I might say something I'll regret later.