Paranoia

It's been a while. I can't say I miss blogging because I've found a different way to pour my heart out. For the past few months, I've been trying to keep a journal. However, I couldn't do it. Just like I am with this blog, I can't constantly update it because honestly, I suck at words. When I have a lot to think of, I grab my bike and pedal away from all of it. I guess I prefer running away from it all. You see, when I'm riding my bike, I stop thinking. It's like I'm in a different world where all I have to think about is keeping the bike moving. Unfortunately, once I stop, the problems invade my mind like they were just waiting for my feet to stop pedaling. When I stop, I am brought back to the world I tried very hard to run away from. Usually, I can handle it on my own. Sometimes, I need a little talk with my girls, with my bestfriend, and with other people who give good advice,  then I'm good to go. Problem Solved. End of discussion. However, there are problems that I can't even tell my friends, or my family. I don't feel like opening up because it's my problem. They shouldn't be concerned with it anymore. Should they?

So here I am, finding some guidance on the internet. I know no one reads my blog, but at least I can feel like somehow, I've released this negative vibe that's been eating me up.

A week. A week from now I'm going to go to the doctor for another check-up. I know I shouldn't be scared , but I can't help it. What if the doctor tells me exactly what I've been dreaming of? How would I react? How would my mom react? Imagine, an 18-year old girl with that sickness? Wow, how pitiful. I'm scared because every day, I feel it getting bigger. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but this paranoia is eating me up, making me dread the day when I go to that doctor's office.

Yes, this time it's a real problem. It's not some stupid high school infatuation that obviously filled this blog. It's not some simple story abut what happened during the past few months. It's just my fear. My fear of being sick. My fear of dying. My fear of this.

In a week's time, you'll hear from me. I just hope you're all praying for good news.

Weekend of thoughts

Hello again my precious blog! ♥ I'm sorry, again, for not posting anything for the past few weeks. I've been too preoccupied with other stuff, hence, making me forget to write what I feel. Honestly, I don't know what to say 'cause my life is as boring as hell. No lovelife, no problems, no everything. HAHAHA. I'm on the brink of telling my friends, Awayin niyo naman ako. Ang boring ng buhay ko. But of course, I won't do that. :))

Anyway, I'm in Baguio this weekend. My last out-of-town trip before my classes start. Boo La Salle for starting school early. :))) I'm actually glad that my parents decided to treat us here because I needed to get away from Laguna and feel the coldness. :))

Soooo, as usual, I don't have anything to say. So, I'm just going to post a picture! :D Tata! :D

Months of Silence

Sorry for the months of silence. I just couldn't find the time to write about anything. Mostly because, I don't have anything to write about. So, to be able to update this blog of mine of the past events, I'll write down everything that's important. Let's start from the most recent.. 

Here are my 3rd term grades. I originally had a problem with my CBESTA1 grade 'cause I needed a 2.5, but I only got a 2.0. I appealed to my professor. At fist, he didn't approve, but I saw that the score in my first quiz was wrongly recorded. I pointed out that mistake and I got the grade I wanted. Sooo, I just need o get a 2.5 on both my COMALGE and BUSCALC subjects, then I'm good to go for shifting to BSA! Yes, I still want to shift. I'm not giving up 'cause it's my lifelong dream. (Okaaay, that was an exaggeration. I only wanted it since I was in 3rd year high school.) Anyway, I still pray every night, hoping that my prayers will make my dream come true. 

That covers April. Moving on to March, there's only one important event on that month. March 4, 2011. I know it's my mom's birthday, but what I'm about to relate is not about her. I saw him that night. I wasn't expecting it 'cause I only invited Mark and Carla. He was finally there in front of me and it hurt like hell. I pretended that I didn't care about him (I'm good in that field.) I acted like the freaking martyr again. I even told Carla and him to kiss, just for fun. I kept hugging Mark, whispering that I couldn't take it anymore. At the end of the night, I hugged him, hoping that this will be the last time that I'll ever face him. He texted me that night, saying that he was sorry about the kiss between him and my bestfriend during their previous inuman session. I told him that the kiss hurt me, but I wasn't willing to be mad at my bestfriend because of a boy. He said sorry again and I forgave him. I told him that I wanted us to be friends again. I actually hoped that we could be close like before. However, he didn't show that he wanted to be friends with me again. I actually got jealous by the way Carla and him talks/hangs out. It was painful so I decided that I want nothing to do with him. No stories from Carla, no text messages, no everything. I just wanted to move one. As of now, I'm only 20% complete in this horrendous process. I loved him for more than 4 years, it's not easy to lose something like that. 

So, I think that's it. I instantly became depressed. Luuuuul. 

Till next time. :) 

ONE GOOD REASON

I am sorry for not blogging. I have been so caught up with my academics that I couldn't find the time to type in this empty, white space you call a blog. Haha. (Yeah, it's corny. Haha) My 3rd term's amazing. I got a lot of breaks and I spend it with Club Princess. Me and my girls have become closer and I can see them being my friends throughout my college life.

My life's an open book to everyone right now because I'm really not that secretive anymore. That's why I barely blog about my life because it's boring as hell. I don't have time to look for love or even have a relationship under these conditions. For the time being, I'm focused on my studies and getting into the BSA program. My only desire for this year is to make it as a student majoring in Accountancy. All I want for this year is to make my wish come true. Of course, I believe that wishes don't come true unless you do something to make it become real.

Although, I have two mind boggling problems. Three nights ago, I was looking at C's facebook profile. It was an action I regretted because when I looked at his photos, I felt something deep inside me that I only felt when I was still in love with him. Up to now, I'm still torturing myself for not getting over him after all that he's done. I keep telling myself, Enough. He's hurt you to much. But it doesn't happen. All I get are these tears running down my face, reminding me of my never-ending stupidity. I mean, it has been years since first fell for him, but the memory of him is still alive. He isn't even being a friend to me right now but he's still residing in this dying heart of mine. I guess I'm torn between missing the friendship, or missing(or searching) for his love that I know never existed. Okay, I'm being melodramatic but I guess I just want to get this over with. If there was only a machine that deletes a person's memory of a specific person, I'll definitely use it ----- just to take me away from this misery.

I'm too tired to tell you of my other problem. So, I'll cut the story short. Is it true that when a friend of yours has a relationship, he sometimes forgets that he has a friend? Well that's happening to me now.  I guess it's just weird that I don't personally know Mark's girl. I don't even know what she's like, that's why I'm feeling like this. I just miss talking to my two bestfriends so much.

Cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health. Yes, I am sticking to my belief that cigarettes ruin a person's life. I won't interfere with my friends' decision about this because I have the feeling that the cigarettes is more important than listening to me. Yeah, I'm hurt. Both of my bestfriends smoke in front of me, and I let them because I want them to realize, on their own, that I don't like it and that I get hurt deep inside, knowing that they think it's okay with me. I hate this feeling. I don't want to have a grudge against my bestfriends, but I can't help it. I was torn when they smoked in front of my house, on my f-ing birthday and they didn't even notice. They are my friends but cut me some slack, I just don't want to see my friends throwing their life away. And if you disagree with my stand, tell me ONE GOOD REASON on why cigarettes are good for you. Remember, ONE GOOD REASON. A reason that I cannot contradict.

Guess that's all. I'm swamped because I spent the day with Carla Mae. Good night guys. I hope you find peace in your sleeeep! >:D<

A Story Meant for the Garbage Can :P Leave comments!

Prologue

San Fernando, Pampanga was experiencing a strong storm that evening. The authority advised the people to stay in their homes and be ready for anything that might happen. Apparently, this news did not reach the group of young people headed to San Fernando City for a weekend getaway. 

“Hun, are you sure about this? The rain’s getting worse.” Silver, a beautiful brunette, addressed her boyfriend, Lanz. They were leading the convoy of 3 cars. She was getting worried on the current weather and in the fact that they were driving with haste along the San Fernando bridge.

“B, we’ve already come this far. And I think the resort’s not far away.” Lanz reassured her 2-year long girlfriend. Silver still had this feeling that everything was not okay and their safety was at a risky place, but she decided to believe her boyfriend, since he was the one who knew this place thoroughly.

“Okay, just slow down. It’s dangerous to drive fast in this weather.”, she advised, but Lanz seemed like he hadn’t heard her at all. He remained driving in a 120 km/hr range.

Unfortunately for them, a truck carrying heavy equipment lost control of his brakes. It was coming right at them and as a human instinct, Lanz tried to avoid the truck ----- leading to the direct impact of the truck to the passenger side of the SUV.

Blood was shed and the car was seriously damaged. Silver, age 18, was barely breathing and her boyfriend was passed out. This tragic accident led to the numerous screams of the people in that convoy. Numbers were dialed and people were trying so hard to keep both of their friends alive. Later on, ambulance sirens were heard and those people were still hoping that maybe, just maybe, everything will be okay.

That happened in exactly 9:20 in the evening of May 14, 2010.

New York City was as vibrant as ever. It was a sunny day, a perfect day for a car race. The stadium was filled with a lot of people and sometimes, you could only see them as ants, waiting for their food. Within this crowd was a black-haired, mysterious 20-year old guy, who was very much involved in the race, which was greatly disapproved by his 1-month long girlfriend.

“Ivan, you have got to stop this nonsense. This is dangerous.”, his girlfriend, Callie pleaded. Ivan was the type of guy who was adventurous. He loved extreme sports, dangerous getaways --- you get the point. It was too bad that his girlfriend didn’t appreciate any of this.

“Cal, chill aryt? This is simple car racing. What could possibly go wrong?” He flashed his famous smile and Callie was in a haze again. It was hard not to be dazzled by this awesome piece of work.

“Okay. But be careful okay?” They kissed and Ivan was off to go. He put on his helmet and rode the vehicle that his best friend has made for him.

A gun was fired and all that was heard was the sound of screeching, accelerating tires.

Ivan was having the time of his life. He grinned as he passed by numerous cars, sensing his near victory. He pressed on the gas some more and he felt the car speed up. He really liked this because it was as if his life was fast forwarding to the future. He was forgetting every single detail of his horrible past and the actions he has done to get what he wanted and what he has right now.

Because of this split-second trip-down-memory-lane distraction, he wasn’t able to turn in the right time. He felt the car slide across the race track and hit the concrete pavement. People were screaming and the car was on fire. Medics neared him and tried very hard to remove his body from the burning car.

Before Ivan passed out completely, the last thing he saw was 9:20am, May 14, 2010.

Two accidents that happened in different continents, on the same time and on the same date. Who would’ve known that two souls will meet without the help of physical touch? Who would’ve known that it is possible to meet your true love in the most inconvenient way possible?

Well, you have got to love destiny.

It can bite you in the time you least expect it.

Two separate accidents brought two people together and made them fall in love. What a miracle love is! Proving that even in your dreams, you can get your happily ever after.

Merry Christmas! :)

Merry Christmas hunnies! <3 I hope you spent the day with your family, friends, and of course, Jesus. :) We must not forget that this day is celebrated because of the birth of Jesus. One of the things that I learned in the nine morning masses I attended, is that Christmas is so commercialized. It's all about noche buena, giving and receiving of gifts, etc. We forget that we should spend the day honoring the coming of our savior, Jesus Christ. For example, only a few went to mass today. It's a fact because our chapel isn't even full and I'm assuming that a lot of you, readers, have not attended mass yet. Am I right? BIG MISTAKE. December 25 is a holiday of obligation, meaning that you should attend mass!


Anyway, I should stop with the religious paragraph. Haha. I enjoyed my Christmas day with the del Rosario Family. We attended mass, ate a lot, gave gifts and laughed along with the craziness of the family raffle. :) I got a lot of gifts because of the fact that I have 7 uncles and aunts. Hihi. :">


My birthday's on Monday and I'm kinda hurt because my 2 bestfriends aren't coming and my only guy bestfriend is going to be late. Good to know they value my birth day. :| I know I'm being bitchy about this but I was looking forward to spend my birthday with them.


I should probably stop typing because I got nothing to say. Merry Christmas again! :)

2nd term grades = EXTREME HAPPINESS

My Christmas is going to be a good one, most especially because of my grades this 2nd term! :) Look at it and tell me a single reason why I shouldn't be happy. :)) (Oh yeaaah, BUSORGA. :| ) Anyway, I got in the first honors dean's list, thus, making me enroll in advance next online enrollment! I love you God! I owe this all to you. 

Oh yeah, I recently completed the nine morning masses. :) Soooo happy. :D Any, I'm not in the mood to blog, soooo.. I'll just type the story I'm writing. Love you!